i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
