just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
