nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
