i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
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