I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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