Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Terrible idea I love it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
