what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
