So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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