Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
