I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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