oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
