I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
