we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
