There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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