hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
