Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
