White coat. Heels.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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