we have officially lost it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
