ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
