You work out of a Hotel?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize