Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
