I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize