Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
