ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
