I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
