my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I know her cup size but not her name....
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