I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
