tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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