im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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