You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize