i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
