She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
