my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
