How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
