i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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