But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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