Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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