ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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