i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
