thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
