I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
