my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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