Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
