I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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