I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
