I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
