We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
