She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
