How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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