haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
