I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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