okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
