Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
