it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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