He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
