I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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