The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
