if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
