Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
