I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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