He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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