my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
