i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize