your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
