Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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