i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
