it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
