Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She said her name was "party"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
